Friday, November 04, 2005

Libraries are cool, part deux.

Marilyn said, "I love libraries. You meet the nicest people in libraries." She married Arthur Miller on June 29, 1956. Together they visited many reference sections. I wonder where the martinis came from.

I love the sight of stacked books and interesting people hanging around them. That's why I love libraries and work in them. Now if we could only have cocktail hour.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Inspirational Karen Walker quotes.

Oh kids ruin everything. I mean look at the stitching on this. You cannot trust a ten year old to do a good hidden button.

Oh I have half a mind to throw this martini right in your face! [starts drinking it]

Gosh, I don't think that I've ever been stressed out. Why would I be? I've got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze and I've got a KILLER rack. Good morning.

[to Rosario]: Uh, okay. I don't know what you people do in Costa-Guata-Mexi-Rico... But here in America, we don't eat birds.

Honey, when I agreed to drive you to the set, you didn't say it was on Staten Island. How the hell am I ever gonna get the stench of landfill and working class families out of tropical lightweight wool?

[looking into a mirror] Hello Starshine.

Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?

[to a waiter] Hey apron. Who told you you could make eye contact?

Oh honey, I would, but... I don't want to.

By your inflection I can tell that you think what you're saying is funny, but... No.

They're trying to make gay people straight? Good Lord! Don't they know what that'll do to the fall line?

[Grace enters wearing a cow-print skirt] Woah. Got skirt?

Gosh, I just love gambling here in Vegas. Sure, I may lose $100,000 but the drinks are free so it evens out!

I thought, finally. A man who can make a woman feel like a girl. And who can make that girl feel like a slut. And who can make that slut feel like a woman.

Oh, coulda shoulda prada!

Well, deal me in. I've got a lifetime membership to the losers club. Hm-mm. I've been dumped by one-ton billionaires, heads of state, and every member of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, but I'm not naming names. What's so great about another person, huh? All they do is manhandle your boobs and eat all the ham.

Oh honey, I love you like the mother I had committed.

You know what else is sad? Poor people who have dreams. [pause] Well that's not sad as much as it is extremely funny.

Sorry I'm late. Oh God, that sounded insincere... I'm late.

You say potato, I say vodka.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Read my bother in law's latest post. Written with enough insanity to give you a good scare. I'm still getting over it.

Monday, October 31, 2005

The remains of the day -- Hallowe'en edition

Lesbian stalker loses vampire love battle. We need more headlines like this one.

The knitted dawn of the dead.

Hanging Mistaken for Halloween Decoration: "The apparent suicide of a woman found hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration" [link]

The Zombie Film Quiz.

The pumpkin I carved yesterday.

it's all in my head, part deux

It happened again yesterday, this time in a gourmet cheese shop. I ask the cheese guy:

"Do you have Gruyère, Beaufort and Comté?"


"Gruyère, Beaufort and Comté."

"Uh, no."

I lowered my head to examine the contents of his cheese display-fridge and there they were: the Gruyère, the Beaufort and the Comté, neatly stacked next to each other.

Maybe it's my attitude, the way I present myself, or the way I talk. Or maybe the world is just full of insane clerks.