Thursday, September 22, 2005

For the love of India.

Every time I mention that I plan to go to India with my best friend, I hear snide comments about being a pretentious bobo (bourgeoise-bohemian), a confused-soul in search of some form of spirituality, or any number of variations on that theme. That is so not right. I’m only half-confused, and a smidgeon of bobo.

It is such an effective myth, created by hippies and the like. But I don’t buy it. Or rather I choose to ignore it. I think India deserves better treatment since it is absolutely huge and multifaceted. I will try to prove this myth wrong by dissecting some of Alanis Morissette’s Thank You song lyrics. So here goes:

“Thank you India, thank you nothingness”
India is full of everything and anything, everywhere and anywhere. If you want nothingness, go to Saskatchewan.

“how 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up”
I don’t think so. The whole country is an all you can eat buffet. The bryannies, dals, achards, curries, naans, not to mention ice creams and oh, halwas, you’d be nuts to stop eating.

“how 'bout getting off of these antibiotics”
What’s wrong with pills? It kills the pain. Besides, you need a large variety of pills to survive India as a tourist: vaccines, malaria pills, sleeping pills, cypro, and maybe a little tranquilizer in New Delhi. If you go into a stomach ache fit and have to be hospitalized, or get covered in insect’s bites and end up spending the rest of your life being fed by a tube, then maybe your doctor was right: take your pills.

“how 'bout no longer being masochistic”
Pfft. Sweetheart, spending time in Calcutta is by itself a masochistic gesture.

"Thank you India, thank you thank you silence"
Are we still talking about India? You might be confusing it with your California yoga class. With a population of over 1 billion, silence is not this country’s strong suit.

Anyway, you get my point. I'm glad Alanis found inner-peace and a shrinking waistline, but let me tell you why I plan to go there: the loudness of the streets, the nauseating fumes of Old Dheli, the fabulous clothes and gold jewelry, glamorous movies sets, 5-hour movies, never-ending music shows, 5-day weddings (so we can be pretty in saris), sleep deprivation in trains. It's not about tranquility, spirituality or letting go of carbs, but about self-gratification, gluttony, vanity, excitement, chaos and just taking a vacation.
I can't wait.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


"So there's a 5 there, and a 5 there, so there must be a 5 here and that means that because there's a 2 there and a 2 down here, then there must be a 2 across there. There's a 7 here and a 7 there so the 7 in this group can be here, here or here, so I need to figure out what goes there and there and across there, which means that if there's a 9 here and here and a 7 down there, then this box can either be a 6, a 8 or a 1 ... "

I looked up at my alarm clock to find that it's way past my bedtime.

[learn to play here. time well wasted. you'll thank me later]


*drums fingers*

What to write, what to draw?

Monday, September 19, 2005

Avast, ye cockered, slow-witted barnacle!

Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. It be Talk Like a Pirate Month for me. So all ya Scallywags swig ye a grog and shiver me timbers. Arrrrrrrrrr.
(If ye wants ta talk like a pirate, this english to pirate translator may be handy to ye)